Though I’ve been promoting Wheatus so much in the physical world and on the last remaining IRC servers of the world, and I have been able to see the results online, it isn’t quite enough to perform an action and just see a consequence; There is no human interaction and I feel like the part of me that enjoys human interaction is very neglected. I don’t want to just be an observer anymore. To be honest, life has felt like one giant video game for the last month or so, especially creating music and indirect interactions with people.

Depressed

I really miss you all so much. I told you all that I would come back with music at 100,000 tweets, but right now, I’m not able to do that. I’m actually really rather depressed. Each of my actions mean nothing without you all. You are what has propelled me towards this point in time and this conclusion. What is the point of having a piece of music, a product or anything else if there is nobody in your life to enjoy it and give you feedback about where you are heading with the project? Social isolation in moderation can be a positive thing, though social isolation for weeks and months on end is an extremely negative thing.

I’m coming back to Twitter, and you’re all going to support me emotionally by just speaking to me and connecting with me on a personal level. I don’t expect sympathy, I just expect conversation; A simple ‘hello’ or ‘I love you’ means the world to me.

I have come to the conclusion that I will actually finish this music more quickly if I’m amongst you all in the digital and physical world. This isn’t a decision that I have come to with ease and I hate to disappoint, but I put my mental wellbeing before my projects. I’m expecting to give you all 2002, A Great Year For Calendars in the next week or two, but I need some social and emotional reassurance.

I was actually wondering if some of you would hate me for neglecting you and then coming back empty handed, that’s why I’ve come back with at least something.

My personal assistant (@iwrestledahammy) went home on Friday, life has been pretty lonely since then. My productivity has more or less plummeted as well, and you know how I’m all about that sweet, sweet productivity.

Currently, I’m planning on waiting outside of the Apple Store all day with some friends when the iPad 2 is released in the UK and playing some acoustic songs throughout the day outside of the store. It’ll be a great opportunity to see some friends and it’ll be a great opportunity to give myself some much needed musical exposure and a large dose of human interaction. Maybe then I’ll feel a little more confident about releasing my music if I’ve gotten some feedback from the local folk regarding my new material.

Much to my surprise, you’ve all been talking about me ridiculous amounts in my absence and I’ve actually gained almost 7,000 followers since I’ve been gone even though my tweets have been days, sometimes weeks apart. In the time that I’ve been away, I attracted quite a lot of followers on Twitter via IRC that were from Japan. Several of whom are currently unaccounted for and that is making me feel pretty negative.

I love each and every one of you. Don’t feel down because I’m depressed.

Eight years ago, I think I said something that will remain true for the rest of my days:

“Everything means nothing unless I have you.”

Although that was referring to a lover and a lot of people mocked me for it at the time for years afterward, I’ve now realised that the people that make everything meaningful are every one of you.

This isn’t the first time that I’ve been depressed and it probably won’t be the last, but I can guarantee you that 48 hours from now when I’m interacting with you all again, I know I am going to feel so much more cheerful and so much more positive. You all mean the world to me.

If you have a solution to feeling depressed then execute it.

The longest I have ever felt depressed was two years and that was solved with the help of a handful of you out there reading this; I started feeling better within hours after spilling my thoughts out to somebody. If you know what will make you feel better, do anything it takes to make it happen. Only you know what you need and more often than not, it’s only yourself that can give it to you.

I would like to say a huge thank you to those of you who have sent donations to me whilst I’ve been absent. You’ve paid for fresh sets of guitar strings, MIDI controllers, travel and food for me during these emotionally draining times. Thank you all so much. I am truly forever grateful to anybody who supports what I do either through buying products or making a direct donation after downloading some open source software from me.

I’m excited for you to hear 2002, A Great Year For Calendars. I truly am.

I love you all so incredibly much. I will never leave you again, my friends.

Ghetto blasters and gauntlets,
Your friend,
HH